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Londonstani
By Gautam Malkani
Fourth Estate
***
Reviewed by Manreet Sodhi Someshwar
Londonstani, Gautam Malkani’s debut, is billed as an English novel; it is, however, not written in English – at least not Queen’s English. Malkani, however, is being true to his book for the London he talks about is not the city the Queen resides in. The early nineties was the time when Gorbachev’s glasnost returned much of Central Asia to its Islamic roots creating in its wake Uzbekistan, Turkmenistan, Kazakhstan, et al. It was also the time that the British capital got labelled as Londonistan, an outpost of exiled Muslims, Indian sub-continent diaspora and Asian migrants.
Londonstani is a rite-of-passage book centered around the narrator Jas who has gained admission into a gang of Hounslow rudeboys led by Hard-jit. A routine day in the life of the gang involves bunking school, walloping Paki-bashers, staging inter-faith duels, running a petty crime racket and cruising around in their souped-up Beemer. The other preoccupations of this testosterone-laden bunch of under twenties is ‘gyals’, ‘coconuts’ and ‘complicated family related shit’. Malkani uses graphic violence, expletives and desi-dialect to portray the sexual, social and psychological frustrations of South Asian teens seeking to negotiate their way through a materialistic world, oppressive parents, potpourri of subcultures and hypocritical mores. Brands play a big part in their aggressive sexual posturing – BMW, Ted Baker, Prada, DKNY – one that is frequently disrupted with a phone call from a whining Mama wanting lavender oil from the nearest drugstore. The alpha males of outside swiftly transform into ‘good beitas’ at home. “Gotta respect your elders, innit.”
Malkani is particularly adept at illustrating the chasm between immigrant parents and their British-born boys. In a satirical scene Jas is witness to a rudeboy and his mother hyperventilating over lack of respect shown, their statements boomeranging around the room until the henpecked father steps in: “Calm down Beita, why use this fuck word? Is this how we bring you up? You talk this nonsense language to your mother again, I put red chillies in your mouth, you understand? All the time talking nonsense. Is this what you call showing your elders respect?”
The language used is a pastiche of bastardised Punjabi, text, slang, and gangsta rap. Considering that over three-quarters of the book is rendered in this patois, the reader would need to summon the concentration required for a Physics Board exam to pore over it. Consider: “Bullshit u wos helping you mum, bhanchod, u wos jus too chicken 2 show yo tutty self, innit.”
Gautam Malkani is a creative business editor of the Financial Times and Londonstani has been the most hyped novel of 2006. It was hotly bid for (half a million dollars) and has been heralded as the next voice of multicultural Britain. That is not surprising. British literary purveyors, usually white (dirrty Gora, as Malkani’s rudeboys would put it), have routinely plucked out winners for this Young-Gifted-Black/Brown award: Zadie Smith (2000), Hari Kunzru (2002), Monica Ali (2003). Malkani is credited with giving voice to the British-Asian boys and their singular brand of Britishness. In an article he wrote in the FT, the author cites how the novel grew out of a university dissertation on the problems of assimilation among young British-Asians in the late 1990s.
While that may be valid, the author is guilty of perpetuating the stereotypes that surround South Asians: every father is submissive, every mother is a shrew, every marriage is arranged, every daughter is a second-grade citizen, every attempt at spoken English by immigrants is clownish. Even the solitary white character in the novel, Mr. Ashwood, a teacher, is a naïve Englishman who wants to “sit down with the boys and get you interested in our mainstream, multicultural society again, in books, plays…BBC.” The rudeboys move up in life when they encounter Sanjay, an-ex student of Mr. Ashwood, who runs a successful scam. Sanjay is a caricature of a Bollywood villain from a B-grade flick.
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